2007 and Beyond



The Monkeybicycle Archives

2007 and Beyond



A Short History of Happy New Years (and Not So Happy Endings) - Ben Tanzer

Dog Penis Hairspray or the Spirit of the White Elephant - Dawn Corrigan

Home is Where I Pass Out Alone for the Holidays - Grievous Jones

Three Stories that are Almost Entirely Unrelated Except They're All About Christmas - Richard Rippon

Dangling Modifiers in Honor of Christmas - Matt Salesses

The Kids Next Door - Mary Phillips-Sandy

Famous Christmas Figures' Psychological Disorders, Diagnosed - Wendy Molyneux

Two Nights Before Christmas - Brian Beatty

A Holiday Greeting From the Bukowskis - Tyler Stoddard Smith

A Christmas Story with Puzzler - Elizabeth Ellen

Pagan Scandinavia vs. Christmas at My Aunt and Uncle's House in Minnetonka - Kathryn Holmquist

You Forgot the Gravy, Didn't You? - Zach Wolff

Cookie Time - Abby Denson

Christmas Would Be In December - Aaron Burch

Ideas for the Holidays
Inside the Mind of a Small Indian
Welcome to the Jungle
- Millie Munshi

The Last Noël - Josh Fischel

Feet in Socks - Amy Guth

Christmas Eve with My Father (or, "Just Fucking Run") - Patrick Dean

Laryy Sm1Th, Email Spammer, Writes a Christmas Card to His Parents - Greg Boose

I am Holding Your Hand - Myfanwy Collins

This Quiet Complex - Amelia Gray

Almost, But Not Quite, a Christmas Miracle - Ralph Gamelli

How They Fit - J.A. Tyler

Donny - Ben Segal

Fact File - Mike Topp

So Lucky - Beth Thomas

Refresher - Joshua Ben-Noah Carlson

A Letter to my Future Self - Nathan Thornton

The Beatles - CL Bledsoe

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Wedding - Clifford Garstang

Why Barbara Lost Her Job as Copywriter for the Community Education Course Catalog - Shellie Zacharia

Hoping for a Big Bang - Paul Kavanagh

Your Home Pregnancy Test Results - Nathaniel Missildine

Adherence - John Roberts

A Scale of Combat - Kyle Sundby

Seven Items Concerning My Recent Family Road Trip to Canada: - Millie Munshi

Light Boxes - Shane Jones

Coco - Valerie Vogrin

Unedited Idioms - Justin Droms

The Death of Stalin - Christopher Higgs

Questions I Regret Not Asking - Thomas Hopkins

Excerpts from "The Road," by Woody Allen - Ralph Gamelli

Three Small Stories II - Darby Larson

Stan Lee's Rabbit, Run! Charlie Anders

The Man Who Retired to the Moon - Dave De Fina

There Are Unconscious Mental States And Processes, For Example, How This Very Second You Are Semantically And Syntactically Processing This Title - Patrick Vittek

Harpoons of Love - David Manuel Valin

Punctuation in Three Acts - Jessica Handler

Charles - Steve Himmer

Jokes Without Punchlines - Tom McCormack

Orbit - Claudia Smith

Highlights From the Portfolio of Robert Mapplethorpe, Wedding Photographer - David Hart

My Organ Donor Card: Annotated - Jay Dyckman

The Music Man - Jen Michalski

Random Excerpts From My New Line of Travel Guides to Cities That I Have Never Been To - Mike Jones

Jose Canseco Knows which Superheroes are on Steroids - Ralph Gamelli

The Hog - Dawn Corrigan

A Parable About the Superiority and Pleasures of Realistic Fiction - Justin Kahn

It's Only Rock and Roll, But We Like It - Ben Tanzer

Speaking in Tongues - Scott Brothers

The Daughters - Myfanwy Collins

Opposing Perceptions of the Same Argument...with Both Arriving at the Same Conclusion - Ric Reichert

Some Brief Remarks About Mud - Bill Winter

Current Living Nobel Prize Winners in Literature Make Headlines for Short-lived Intellectual Gossip Rag - Tyler Stoddard Smith

A Parable About the Superiority and Pleasures of Realistic Fiction - Justin Kahn

West Creek Herald Newspaper Corrections/Clarifications - Mark Garrison

Page 194 of the 276-Page Memoir of a Golden Retriever Named Chewy - Eric Feezell

Can I Just Point Out How Racist I'm Not Being Right Now? - Charlie Anders

A Zagat Writer Reviews Everyday Life - Rob Bloom

Recent Rejections: The Collected Turndowns (Literary Included) - Kevin O'Cuinn

Cats Witness History - Alex MacInnis

Albert Belle is Coming to Dinner - Brendan Proce

Three Small Stories - Darby Larson

Probably the Only Chronology Ever Written About Bob Dylan - Nathaniel Missildine

Sex Dungeon For Sale - Patrick Wensink

The Dog of the World - Sam Bennett

Heat Miser and Snow Miser: The Correspondence - Ralph Gamelli

Elizabeth Ellen, 1972 - Elizabeth Ellen

Crash & an Interpretive Dance - D. Harland Wilson

Text From Museum Wall Labels Altered to Describe My First New York Apartment - David Hart

I Try to Make Scents of It All - Tyler Stoddard Smith

Pies - Mary Phillips-Sandy

Outlines - Michael de los Reyes

More Reasons Not to Supply Dogs with Kielbasa Sausage - Charlie Nadler

Our Happiness - Dawn Corrigan

My Hypoglycemia - Andy Cobb

Mad Libs for Difficult Situations - Rob Bloom

In Loving Memory - Jon Allan Carroll

The Day California Fell Into the Sea - Amelia Gray

A Dam for a Flood - Jimmy Chen

My Quasi-Paranormal House - Ralph Gamelli

Leave Playboy Magazines in the Woods - Patton Oswalt

How to Hide a Dying Dictator in the Eating Disorder Ward of the State Hospital - Amelia Shackelford

Self-Help for Superheroes - Rafael Galan

Her New Dolls - Andrew Dicus

Having Semi-Regular Sex on a Pontoon Boat in La Jolia - Justin Varana

Stages of Foreign Language Learning - Nathaniel Missildine

The Beginnings of Ten Stories About Ponies - Wendy Molyneux

Palm Beach is a Warm, Warm Soft Angel Made of Sand - Dan Kennedy and Sean Carman

In Which I Date Someone for a While and then Pause to Reflect - Josh Fischel

Real Reviews of Fake Restaurants - Jon Allan Carroll

Amber at the Window in Hurricane Season - Justin Taylor

Adam in the Garden of Eden - Rick Stoeckel

Stories by Edgar Omar Aviles - Translated by Toshiya Kamei

Wedding Bells - Paddy Jones

Reconstruction (A novel excerpt) - David Ohle

Assorted Rays: Ranked According to Coolness - David Ng

Loser - Shya Scanlon

!%Viva la Revolution - Magdalen Powers

A Medieval Bestiary of Vegetables - James Warner

That Bitch - Caroline Kepnes


The Truth About Noses (Beauty Talk & Monsters Series) - Masha Tupitsyn

The Bottle Collector - J. Sallini-Genovese

Warning - Angela Jane Fountas

My Name is Martin, Too - Justin Kahn

Three Screams - Jay Wexler

Love in Miniature - Martha Clarkson

Sudie Shea - EB Arnold

Two Stories - Leland Pitts-Gonzalez

How To Get Over Your Second Wife Jan WIth Class - Dan Kennedy and Sean Carman

i went fishing with my family when i was five - Tao Lin

Superpowers - Ray Vukcevich

Oswald in Love - Richard Hulse

Beautiful Nature: A Story Pieced Together from Things my ESL-Teaching Friends Have Sent me from Japan - Pasha Malla

A Story Named After the Ocean - B. Laviolette

Point Five - Juliet Latham

we broke beds - David C. LaTerre

Milk - Jennifer Dziura

The Very Last Story - Josh Kron

Mysteries of American History - Kurt Luchs

Christmas - Tao Lin

Best Man's Speech (Draft) - Andrew Day

One-sentence Stories

The Continental Bedsit - Emmett Cole

From the Dispatches of Budd McAllen, Ethnomusicologist - Brendan Kiley

Four Stories - Brian Beatty

Three Short Ventriloquists' Routines for Today's Ventriloquist - Mike Fowler

There It Is--A Short-Short - Randall Brown

Funk Poem About A Gal Named Carol - Dan Kennedy and Sean Carman

Eloise - Hilarie Shanley

Optimal Handling of the C-NU(TM) - K.O. Cuinn

The Tylenol Cheerleader: A Tragedy in Three Parts - Sharma Shields

Tentacles - Andy Henion

One-sentence Stories, Batch Five

Domestication - Martha Clarkson

Friend is a Ship and Dumpster Manifesto - Willie Smith

Mix Tape - Gavin J. Grant

Xunantunich - Danielle Canti

Joseph's Dilemma - Matt Bell

Before You She Was A Pitbull - Elizabeth Ellen

The Sheriff and the Stranger - Scott Brothers

I am Finally Letting Folks Get Into Some of My Poetry and Cast Aside Sweet Sorrow for Tonight We Rock: Dan Kennedy's Sharing of His Love Poetry - Dan Kennedy and Sean Carman

Stories, Only the Beginnings - David Drury

Shine - Darien Cavanaugh

One-Sentence Stories, Batch Four

One-Sentence Stories, Batch Three

How Other Countries Celebrate American Thanksgiving - Christopher Monks, Aaron Burch, Steven Seighman, Matthew Simmons, Pasha Malla, and Melissa Bell

One-Sentence Stories, Batch Two

An Uncontrolled Swelling - Matt Briggs

One-Sentence Stories

Inverse After - Shauna McKenna

My Elephant Boy - Christopher Monks

Novel Double/ Double Novel - Doug Nufer

Sauce - Miriam Kotzin and Bill Turner

The Enemy of the Bee - Darren Chase

Inn - Davy Rothbart

My Life At The New York Post - Richard Grayson

Indian In The Cupboard - Mike Topp

Appendix To The Prufrock Second Manual Of Etiquettes For Surviving The Modern World Politely: More Hints And Useful Tips For Situations In Or Arising From The Workplace - James Hogwood

Social Contract - Stephen Elliott

Turning Thirteen - Wells Oliver

On the Phone With Haley - Julia Glassman

Zane: Bildungsroman - Brendan Kiley

Eyes Like Kumquats, Lips Like A Cocked Gun - Jay Wexler

The Man In The Shed - Jeff Reichman

NOLA Chronicles Part 1
Part 2 - Chjad McEvoy

Englishman v. Irishman - Mike McGowan

Katie Couric Interviews Soren Kierkegaard on the Occasion of the Paperback Publication of The Concept of Dread - Ken Krimstein

America Fell in Love With the Explosions Technician - Henry Mansfield

Bring Me the Head of the Cross-eyed Jesus - Clay Matthews

Doc Nostrum's Miracle Confection - Tobiaas Seamon

Coffee Stains - Lawrence Krauser

Toxic Beauty - Lauran Strait

I Burst Into Flames - Ronnie Cordova

Velvet Fog - Gary Glauber

Four Eyed Chick - Tom H. Macker

The Rules of Embalming - Kelly Spitzer

The First and Last God-Damned Stupid Birthday Present
An excerpt from The Pupils of an Inflated Giraffe
- Blake Butler

Carpentry - Diane Payne

JuJu Jetski - Lisa McMann

Santa Claus is Coming...A Sex and the Christmas Special - Eric Spitznagel

Some Vegetarians - J. Robert Lennon

Livewire - David Gianatasio

Hand - Ryan Boudinot

My Big Fat Greek Neighbor - Wells Oliver

Stupid's Rising Up - Dave Clapper

The Time Between Ordering and Eating - Kevin Fanning

Guess What I Got On Ebay - Calvin Liu

Don't Fuck With the Dungeonmaster - Matthew Simmons

Subway Kings - Paul Toth

The Night Before My Beige Tercel Went Off The Cedar Creek Bridge With All Of Us Inside - Brian Graham

Shuckers - Steve Gullion

Elephants Make Poor Salads - Benjamin Cohen

Haibun: Divorcing the Brothers - Pat Pedersen

The Next Stanley Kubrick - Kathy Fish

The Devil and the Potato Picker - Troy Morash

The Cat Had Her Tongue - Ed Page

Future Plans - Jamey Gallagher

Author's Bio - Eric Spitznagel

What to Wear - Susan Henderson

Paid Advertisment - Vic Perry

The Translation - Kevin Sampsell

The Raining Men - Pasha Malla

Neurotica - Frayn Masters

Taqueria la Cumbre - Joseph Young

Monkey Blood - Bill Spratch

Empty Houses - Lydia Copeland

Doll Man - Wayne Wolfson

The State Quarters' Stare - Francis Raven

How Sweet the Sight - Megan Bott

Spinning Blades - Rose Gowen

The Day the Aliens Brought Pancakes - Eric Spitznagel

Two Stories: Reworking Jimmy and Reworking Dannielle - Mike McGowan

Moby Dick FEED - David C. LaTerre

Sleeping Pills - Kevin Sampsell

Fruit Snacks - Christopher Paul

Some Lives Consist of Missing - Elizabeth Ellen

Two Stories - Paul Toth

Juju - Wayne Wolfson

Two Stories - Chjad McEvoy

Dangerous Christmas Toys (specifically Victorian Era Anti-Masturbation Devices) - Eric Spitznagel

when are you not going anywhere? - Kathleen Nering

Tiny and Perfect - Whitney Pastorek

Academia - Mike McGowan

Behavioral Science - Jill Alphonso