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Notes on Motorized Carts

ROXANE GAY

When I see an able-bodied person driving a motorized cart through Wal-mart, I judge them.

When I see people driving motorized carts in stores, I race them even though they don’t know it.

I always win.

When I walk into a Wal-mart and see the row of motorized carts I pause and give serious thought to taking a cart for a spin.

I worry about how to retrieve items located on high shelves whilst seated in a motorized cart.

A product, the E-Z Grabber™, has been expressly designed to retrieve items from high shelves. It has a handle with a trigger on one end and a rubber-tipped clamp on the other. When you pull the trigger, the clamp closes.

I worry about the cleanliness of the motorized carts in Wal-mart because some of the people I’ve seen on those carts have questionable hygiene.

When I see infomercials for motorized carts, I secretly want to buy one.

I know the theme song for the Hoveround™ by heart. Sometimes, I catch myself humming the tune and I judge myself.

Hoveround™ president Tom Kruse (whose name amuses me in and of itself) says, on his website, that he stands behind every one of his power wheelchairs.

When I daydream about life with a motorized cart, I imagine tricking mine out with streamers for the handles like the ones I had on my Schwinn with a banana seat that I rode as a child.

My baby brother once got his ankle caught between the spokes of that Schwinn. The bike was blue. My brother was three. When it happened, he didn’t cry. I did, because his foot jammed in the spoke caused me to fly over the handlebars, true story. My mom came running out, saw all the blood and torn skin, and she started crying too. He still has the scar. My hands were scraped but healed quickly.

There is a website called ChristianMobility.com that sells motorized carts.

The Internet domains IslamicMobility and JudaicMobility are still available.

If I had a multi-level home, I would install one of those motorized carts that go up and down stairs so that I could get laundry from one floor to the next without having to carry it.

I don’t have a multi-level home. I live in an apartment that doesn’t have a washer/dryer hook up. As such, I have to take my laundry to the Laundromat, which is three blocks away. If I had a motorized cart, I could place my laundry, detergent, fabric softener and other supplies in the convenient basket located at the front of the cart.

I don’t like to do laundry often so I would probably need to install a second basket at the rear of the cart.

There is no room in my apartment to store a motorized cart. I would have to keep it in my landlady’s garage and hope she doesn’t hit it with her car.

My landlady is old and going blind.

My landlady drives motorized carts when she’s in Wal-mart.




Roxane Gay's work appears or is forthcoming in Storyglossia, mud luscious, Wigleaf, Necessary Fiction, elimae, The Foundling Review, DOGZPLOT, and others. She is the associate editor of PANK. You can visit her online at www.roxanegay.com where she keeps a boring blog.