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Probably the Only Chronology Ever Written About Bob Dylan

NATHANIEL MISSILDINE

1941
Robert Zimmerman is born in Duluth, Minnesota. Raised in Hibbing.

1959
Robert legally changes name to Bob Dylan, after poet Dylan Thomas.

1963
Allen Ginsberg listens to Hard Rain's A-gonna Fall and weeps openly, realizing a new generation has been born.

1964
Danny Winowski of Pomona, California, hears version of It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding live and faints where he's standing, because he's certain Dylan has been instructed by someone to reveal Danny's closely guarded secrets, the ones he thought might get him arrested, to the rest of the audience. Danny is later revived with smelling salts.

1965
Dylan performs electric version of Maggie's Farm at the Newport Folk Festival and annoys guys in audience who were counting on being able to hug their girlfriends from behind and sway during Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll.

Early-1966
Ramona Kennelworth of Council Bluffs, Iowa, waits outside the artists' entrance after a concert, hoping she can throw herself into the back seat of Dylan's car and explain to him that she's fully aware that he wrote To Ramona about her, even though they've never met. He doesn't need to say anything, but she would be happy to live with him.

Mid-1966
Dylan crashes motorcycle. Survives. Produces country.

1970 Harry House of Chambersburg, Pennsylvania, listens to Early Morning Rain and decides that it's time to leave the place where he has been attempting to eek out of meager living for too long, with friends he no longer knows, and become a fisherman. It lasts for at least a little while.

1975
Jim Lerher of New York, New York, listens to Shelter From the Storm. On the line, "Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?," he freezes, unable to enter the studio for his maiden broadcast with Robert MacNeil of the MacNeil Lehrer Report. Jim thinks he's heard the song a million times before, though it's impossible because the album it's on, Blood on the Tracks, has just been released. He waits by the door for a full five minutes, worrying the crew, before collecting himself and beginning the evening's news.

1979
Dylan attends a bible study. While there, he manages to get born-again.

1986
Dylan releases Knocked Out Loaded, one of the sorriest albums of music ever recorded.

1992
Dylan receives lifetime achievement award at the Grammys. His thank you speech makes sense only to presenter Jack Nicholson, old girlfriend Suzi Rotolo, and Jay Minerman of Mufreesboro, Tenessee, watching at home from his basement.

1996
Doug Rohrbauch of Framingham, Massachusetts, listens to bootleg version of Idiot Wind shortly after breaking up with girlfriend and melts into his chair. Police gather remnants of Doug in urn.

1999
Nathaniel Missildine of San Francisco, California, listens to Abandoned Love in his car, riding back home from work, and realizes he should never take anything for granted again. Like ever.

2000
Colin Christopher Scott of Seattle, Washington, dances to Call Letter Blues from the Bootleg Series while holding two lit candles. He falls, to no one's surprise, but miraculously catches neither the rug nor the rest of the room on fire.

Early 2001
A Norwegian sculptor publicly admits to carving the face of a local cathedral archangel in the likeness of Dylan. Dylan politely responds that he's flattered.

2001
In what he describes as a "date as good as any," a Sony BMG executive becomes inspired to slot album Love and Theft for release on Tuesday, September 11.

2002
While on tour, Dylan tells a reporter he would rather have been a mathematician.

2006
The album Modern Times hits #1 on the charts, making Dylan the oldest living person to ever do so. Anyone who listens to it, particularly Spirit on the Water, understands that things will continue on, regardless of how they may currently seem.





Nathaniel Missildine lives in France where he, his wife and two daughters speak entirely their own language. His first novel, Far North, is available at www.pulpbits.com.