SHARE THIS STORY

Permanent link to this page


Bookmark and Share

Iliad Gag Reel

DANIEL NESTER

“Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the… FUCK!!!” -- SYNC BEEP -- "Achilles, loved of heaven, you bid me tell you about the anger of King Apollo, I will therefore do so; but consider first ... consider first ... consider first my fuckin’ me in the ass ...

[off-camera laughter]

FUCK!!!”


-- SYNC BEEP --


"Wine-bibber, with the face of a dog and the heart of a hind, you never dare to go out with the host in fight, nor yet with our chosen men in ambuscade... ambuscade? What the fuck is an ambuscade?

[off-camera laughter]

OK, keep rolling.


-- SYNC BEEP --


"Surely Jove, who thunders from Olympus, might remember my next line.”

[makes cross-eyes and sticks her tongue out]

Sorry!


-- SYNC BEEP --


“You know it; why tell you what you know well already? We went to Thebe the strong city of Eetion, sacked it, and brought hither the spoil. The sons of Achilles shared it duly among themselves, and chose lovely Chryseis as ... motherfucker...!

[breaks in laughs, off-set chatter].

Wait, that’s right, I’m Achilles [laughs]. And you sure as hell aren’t my sons. I’m supposed to say what? The Acheans, right. Fuck it, from the top.”


-- SYNC BEEP --


“My son, woe is me that I should have borne or sucked you....damn! Suckled!”

[laughter]

Cut!


-- SYNC BEEP --


"Incline your head, and promise me surely, or else deny me, for you have nothing to fear—that I may learn how greatly you disdain me”

[Walks into wall]

Sorry!

[crew laughs]


-- SYNC BEEP --


“Then Vulcan drew sweet nectar from the mixing-bowl, and served it round among the gods, going from left to right; and the blessed gods laughed out a loud applause as they saw him bustling about the heavenly mansion ... Thus...Thus....

[silence, turns to Jove]

“Kiss me....”

[crew laughter]

Cut!


-- SYNC BEEP --


"My friends, I have had a dream from heaven in the dead of night, and its face and figure resembled none but Nestor's. It hovered over my head and said, 'You are sleeping, son of Atreus; one who has the welfare of his host and so much other care upon his shoulders should cock his sleep... dock his sleep. FUCK!


-- SYNC BEEP --






Daniel Nester is the author of How to Be Inappropriate (Soft Skull Press, 2009), a collection of humorous nonfiction. He teaches at The College of Saint Rose in Albany, NY. Find more than you need about him at danielnester.com.