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Wish

MIKE VALENTE

You were on the subway reading a book, and I asked you what it was about and you said that it was about two young lovers that killed themselves because they loved each other too much. Wow, I said. I can’t believe they made that into a book!


* * *


I uprooted a tree on my way to work and stuffed it in my pocket. When I boarded the bus, I said, I have a tree in my pocket and I'm by myself!


* * *


We walked around a giant lake. There were two swans, three geese, and countless ducks waddling back and forth like little ducks. The moon was skimming the water like a silvery streak, and I said, I ordered all of this for you. And you said, Just this? And I said, If there were two lakes, we’d have to walk around both, and then we’d be pooped. If there were too many swans, we’d be all swanned out. And the ducks? They were freebies. When I got the geese, they threw in the ducks. What happened to the sun? Don’t tell me what to do!!


* * *


I was at Whole Foods, and the girl in the green apron said, This coffee comes from France, and I pointed to Pluto and said, I need coffee from there.


* * *


We rode the subway from Canal Street and we passed the Empire State Building, Brooklyn and a woman in love with her husband. They were smooching until we got off in the Theater District and we saw a musical about life. And you said, that musical didn’t have enough life, and I said, Then why were we on the subway?


* * *


I had an affair with my kitchen. But it ended. I said, Kitchen, this is not going to work!


* * *


We had brunch at a café, and you ordered a small stack of pancakes with a strawberry on top, and I said, I’ll have two of those. When they poured my coffee into a mug, I stood up on the table and announced to the world, I’m taking this mug with me!


* * *


My last girlfriend was a fashion model. I plastered pages and pages of her all over my walls. On my fridge, and in my bedroom. I wrote letters to her every day. I traveled to the middle of nowhere and sent her postcards. She was very skinny, and in a letter, I told her that she looked beautiful. When I told you this, you fainted.


* * *


We walked around Chinatown, Ghiradelli Square, and rode the cable car over two hills and a majestic cathedral. When we reached the Golden Gate Bridge, I said, Now what?


* * *


I rode a scooter along the countryside of France, and when it ran out of gas, I said, I found it!


* * *


Boom! Boom! Boom! Here I come. Boom! Boom! Boom! When I find you, I’m going to grab you in my hand, scale the highest building, and squeeze you so hard that your insides go Splat! We’re going to experience the sky together while your insides are squirting all over the place. How does that sound?


* * *


I went to the grocery for milk, and then I went to the beach. You weren’t there.


* * *


Look! There’s Alcatraz. I had a house just like that.


* * *


My best friend plays the guitar. We sang songs that made us laugh and cry for hours and hours. And then I threw a quarter into his little cup and it went plink plink plink.


* * *


In the crossword puzzle, I wrote the word periphery without the E. My horoscope said that I’m indecisive and I think too much. I went back to the little man at the newsstand, and said, You’re crazy. Do you expect me to believe this?


* * *


I said, Hello? You there. And you said, Yes, I am., and I said, What are you doing? And you said, Shhh!, I’m wrapping your birthday gift. I said you are? And you said, close your eyes.

I heard a thump-thump thump-thump, and I said, You still there? and I heard a thump-thump thump-thump

You said, Close your eyes, and I said, But I want to open them!


* * *


When you gave me a hanger, I gave you an apple. You gave me another hanger, and I gave you a banana. Another, and I gave you peach. Another, and I gave you a bundle of grapes and an orange.

When we finished, I had an entire wardrobe, a full bedroom set, and a new coffee pot. You had a bowl of fruit. Congratulations.


* * *


Isn’t this coffee delicious? Here’s a tree.


* * *


I painted your car the color of a cloud, but it was too white and cloudy, so I drove it back to the hardware store and left it there.


* * *


The weather forecast said it was going to rain. So I drew a portrait of you, and it came out like a rocket ship.


* * *


I went to the library and told the woman behind the desk, When two people die, I want to be there.


* * *


On my way to my boss’s office, I upturned three desks, overthrew a cubicle, and I disassembled the stapler. When I reached his office I pointed to the window and said, Do you see that stuff out there? We need to bottle that stuff, market it, sell it, and make our profit margins go through the roof.

That’s when he said we sold printers, and I said, Who ever does anything with printers?


* * *


I paid a nickel for a balloon. It was round, big and yellow, and then I let it go.


* * *


I moved a piano to the sidewalk in my neighborhood, and that’s where it stayed, unplayed and quiet.


* * *


You looked like you were on a roller coaster, and your eyes were closed, so I asked, Where are you? And you said, I’m in the sky, and I said, Hang on, I’m coming with you.






Mike Valente is a second-year candidate at the University of Notre Dame’s Creative Writing Program. He’s working on a novel and a collection of short stories.