IF MY BOOK: Please Be Advised, Christine Sneed

Welcome to another installment of If My Book, the Monkeybicycle feature in which authors compare their recently released books to weird things. This week Christine Sneed writes about Please Be Advised: A Novel in Memos, out now from 7.13 Books.

If Please Be Advised were a discotheque, it would feature purse dogs and pet monkeys, umbrella drinks, and some very memorable wigs.

If Please Be Advised were a rest stop, its vending machines would be stocked with circus peanuts,
Chiclets, and licorice all-sorts. Anyone blasting Dexy’s Midnight Runners’ “Come on Eileen,” from their car stereo would be arrested and held without bail. 

If Please Be Advised were an animal, it would be a squirrel—slightly feral, cheerfully manic, prone to vandalism if it finds a way into your home while you’re out of town. The potted plants badly ransacked, the pantry raided, the beds all bounced on, the shoes in your closets temporary squirrel motels, interlopers’ tails rising bushily from the heels. 

If Please Be Advised were a sports team, it would be Arsenal FC—currently making a comeback in the Premier League. (Do I have that right? If not, send all complaints to Ron DeSantis of Florida, USA, or Kevin McCarthy of Hell on Earth, the House of Representatives, USA.) 

If Please Be Advised were a city, it would be Las Vegas—all-you-can-eat buffets and male strippers sporting banana hammocks! The World Series of Poker! Or Chicago, where it is set. Or London, where one of its main characters used to live before he was kicked out of the country.

Christine Sneed is the author most recently of Please Be Advised: A Novel in Memos and The Virginity of Famous Men. Her short stories have appeared in publications including Ploughshares, New England Review, The Best American Short Stories, and O. Henry Prize Stories. Her next book, Direct Sunlight: Stories, will be published in June. She has received the Grace Paley Prize in Short Fiction, the Chicago Public Library Foundation 21st Century Award, among other honors. She lives in Pasadena, CA. Follow her on Twitter at @ChristineSneed.

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