Category / Columns

Can I get an amen?!

As luck would have it, Jesus is at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset, across the street from the DGA in West Hollywood. Fortunately, he isn’t incognito—we are so blessed!

A little person revolution is well underway. TLC plays host to numerous shows chronicling the lives of the little. Lifetime: Television for Women wanted in, and produced “Little Women LA.” Clever! Surely, once A&E finds little duck hunters, bounty hunters or realtors

Sarah was a real go-getter, vibrant and sexy, even more so at 98. She was the envy of her community because she never got “old.” While her friends played Bridge, she went cock hunting at the proctologist’s office,

Name: Mary Beth Wilkinson
o Age: 78
o DOD: 6/1/14
o Obituary: Mary Beth loved shopping at J.C. Penney. With unbridled enthusiasm, she used to say, “I can get a matching set of washer/dryers and stretchy pants with a print boatneck tee, and gifts for everyone in my family!”

o Name: Earl Stanrankowski
o Age: 23
o DOD: 5/4/14
o Obituary: Earl wrote his own obituary in the frozen section between Hungry Mans and Lean Cuisines at Walmurt. He was conflicted about his weight.

Obituary: After an acutely depressing and unfulfilling life, Clementine Baxter overdosed on diet pills before slitting her wrists and leaping off the Golden Gate Bridge to her demise. Clementine was a receptionist for 20 years at Butters, Bean & Tapioca law firm in West Covina, California.

Name: Declan Shufflebottom III
o Age: 27
o DOD: 4/6/14
o Obituary: Declan Shufflebottom III died painfully and abruptly when he drove his vintage Huffy ten-speed bicycle head first into the driver of a parked Hummer for swiping the last bag of gummy worms at Baxter, Minnesota’s Walgreens.

Last week I texted my colleague, “Stan,” to follow up on our projects. Instead of texting me back, he called, and the first words he uttered were, “Be Zen.” I thought, sure thing.

I am still sad about the fatal crash last week in California, where a blazing FedEx truck hit a school bus carrying precious cargo toward a promising future. Earlier this week I read something very

As always, writing to you is categorically repugnant. So much so, that I need an anti-nausea pill to avoid puking on my laptop; which reminds me, I really should get a rubber keyboard cover.

Last week, my sister and I were at the surgical center waiting for the surgeon to finish our friend’s procedure. Even though he was in for something minor, we were overwhelmingly stressed, as he’d been

I lived abroad for a few years and have logged quite a bit of international travel. While going to school in Durham, England, it only took six months to decipher the Geordie accent. I celebrated

“Owen” was a dear friend from college. After graduation he moved back to New York and we stayed in touch for a while. He was the best pal a dame could have, massaging my lower back when I had cramps. I responded in kind by massaging his hands when he jerked off too much. We were each other’s wing person and study buddies. He was charismatic, kindhearted and funny.