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Obit: Mary Beth Wilkinson

Katie Schwartz

o Name: Mary Beth Wilkinson
o Age: 78
o DOD: 6/1/14
o Obituary: Mary Beth loved shopping at J.C. Penney. With unbridled enthusiasm, she used to say, “I can get a matching set of washer/dryers and stretchy pants with a print boatneck tee, and gifts for everyone in my family!”

Weekly, Mary Beth played cards, bingo, shuffleboard and spent time with her grandchildren. She even hosted swinger parties complete with deviled eggs. After her beloved William passed a few years back, Mary Beth refused to allow her sexuality to be buried with him. She was a self described sexual huntress with a keen eye for single cock spotting in communities besieged by couples.

She is survived by two children and seven grandchildren, and 70% of men who worshipped her in Margate, Florida.

 
 
 


Katie Schwartz is a comedy writer, producer and essayist, among other writerly things. She collects vintage tchotch, not bodies, which is surprising considering her obsession with death humor. You can catch her weekly column at Monkeybicycle and other print work on Huffington Post, Exquisite Corpse, or here. If you’re not bored to death, watch some of her produced work at FKR.TV, FunnyOrDie or on the YouTubes.