Katie Schwartz

o Name: Sarah Smithfield
o Age: 93
o DOD: 8/20/2013
o Obituary: Sarah died while engaging in oral relations

Sarah was a real go-getter, vibrant and sexy, even more so at 98. She was the envy of her community because she never got “old.” While her friends played Bridge, she went cock hunting at the proctologist’s office, the shuffleboard club, and online dating sites. Much to her conservative son’s dismay, Sarah was sexually liberated and outspoken. Countless times, she tried to encourage her friends over with gift bags filled with Ensure and Fixodent for adult toy parties.

Sarah is survived by her sons, Walker, Wilson and Wiley, as well as her grandchildren, William, Willow, and Wagner.

Unfortunately, while inhaling her cock du jour, she was overcome by the hiccups and accidentally choked on his pleasure plunger and died.


Katie Schwartz is a comedy writer, producer and essayist, among other writerly things. She collects vintage tchotch, not bodies, which is surprising considering her obsession with death humor. You can catch her weekly column at Monkeybicycle and other print work on Huffington Post, Exquisite Corpse, or here. If you’re not bored to death, watch some of her produced work at FKR.TV, FunnyOrDie or on the YouTubes.