As I till the garden and my husband’s mistress passes in her foreign sedan, I remember that the English hung the severed heads of traitors on the gate of London Bridge and I wonder if our condo association would object to a similar measure.
When I say I’m proud of you for giving up smoking for 91 days I mean the same kind of proud feeling I get when I come home from work and the dog hasn’t pissed on the carpet.
Alcohol impairs my ability to suffer fools.
He spent most of first grade extracting color from his red notebook, erasing the letters carefully onto the cover, immortalizing them on the side of the family Volkswagen with a chalk rock, and pissing them large and loopy into the backyard snow knowing, even then, his wasn’t the kind of name you should give to someone else for safekeeping.
You fell asleep during Casablanca, so when I said that you were my Rick as we left the theatre hand-in-hand, you didn’t realize I would soon leave you for my Victor Laszlo.