Benjamin Brandenburg

 

Comments (21):

NutAllergy: Name?

WheresTheBeef: Yeah, this girl is smoking hot. Does anybody know who she is?

Bob95432: Her names Miranda Bennett. Shes from Peoria, IL.

Big6Wang9: No – that’s Stephanie Bingham, from Florence, SC. We went to high school together. No doubt about it.

MrMontague: She looks kind of like this girl who grew up down the street from me in Jonesboro, Arkansas. I can’t remember her name. But she works at the Walmart now. The resemblance is undeniable. They have the same chin dimple even.

CallofDuty666: Guys, this is definitely Allison Kay. Our families both lived on a military base in El Segundo for a little while when I was like twelve. One time we were in the woods, and she gave me half a handjob on a dare.

Duckman4502: Nope. It’s Jessica Bayer. Right after I first moved to Cincinnati, we went out on a couple dates, but then things kind of fizzled. I got too busy with work or whatever. You know how that goes. Sweet girl tho. She’ll let you do anything. I might look her up again.

AlphabetSoup: Oh, yeah, I know Jessica. I took her on a date once to Olive Garden, but it didn’t go very well. I told her she looked like Ingrid Bergman, and then she said she didn’t know who that was. I couldn’t believe it. I can’t remember exactly what I said after that, but I guess she thought I was calling her stupid or something, and it ended up being this crazy fight right in the middle of the restaurant. I guess I was drunk in retrospect. Our waiter went all white knight and offered to drive her home – like I was the bad guy – and I bet he nailed her. You’re better off without her Duckman, IMHO.

SoxRule2007: Actually I’m pretty sure her name is Rachel Clausen. I met her back when I was taking classes at community college. To tell the truth I lost my virginity to her at a house party on Rembert Street. This was like eight or nine years ago now. I tried to call her a bunch of times after that but maybe she just wasn’t interested, I don’t know. I swear this girl looks exactly like her. But then again I always think I’m seeing her somewhere or another, and usually I’m wrong.

BallzDeep: Her name is Mary Catherine O’Neill. A nice Irish girl from Upper Darby, where I lived as a kid, near Philadelphia. She came from a big family. No dad though, so that must’ve been tough coming up in a neighborhood like ours. She had a lot of brothers, maybe six or seven of them altogether – just these humongous dumbasses with potato shaped heads. But they weren’t jerks or bullies at least. And also she had a couple younger sisters who turned out to be very cute when they got older. Big family, like I said. I remember at recess the oldest brother would let you punch him anywhere you wanted for a dollar, and then he’d take the money he made and buy lunch for them all if he had enough, always starting with the youngest ones first.

PapaSquat: Her name is Megan Fischer, if I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing. I can tell because there’s this prominent scar right above her right eyebrow. Can you guys see it? It’s really visible when she bends over the sink there for a second. She got it from the first time she smoked pot in high school, at her friend Emily’s house. She ran straight through a sliding glass door, not like a freakout or anything, just being careless and high as hell, and there was this jagged glass shard stuck in her forehead afterwards. They waited for hours before she went to the hospital because they didn’t want her mom and dad to find out she was stoned. But even still she felt like the doctor in the ER probably knew because of his training and medical expertise. She gets self-conscious about it to this day, especially when she’s in public, like she’ll just kind of touch the scar a lot if she’s standing alone in a crowd for too long, at a concert or waiting on a bus or whatever. The scar has a funny texture she never can get used to, almost like an earthworm burnt up under the sun in late July. And touching it gives her this vague tip of the tongue sensation linked to lost youth and nostalgia, a quick tinge of regret that also makes her feel safe in a strange way, all of which is hard for her to explain to anyone who isn’t scarred. Hers doesn’t look that bad really, so I don’t know what the big deal is. I guess she’s just embarrassed to tell the story start to end.

Naruto12345: She looks a lot like this girl who lives two floors down in my building. Way early one morning, she’d had this big break up with her boyfriend, and she was burning his shit in a plastic trash can on her balcony. She set the whole balcony on fire on accident, and then they had to call for a firetruck even. That’s how bad it was. I remember cause the spray from their hose was hitting my window way hard at first, and it woke me up. I didn’t know what was going on. I mean like six in the morning man. It was nuts. I wonder if her same boyfriend is the one filming this. It’s hard to tell cause you can’t see his face.

LexDiamonds: Naruto where you live?

Naruto12345: Michigan, why?

LexDiamonds: Nevermind. There was a lady in my building did the same thing a few years ago but I live in Reseda. Must be somebody else.

Naruto12345: You know, now that I see it again, this probably isn’t who I thought it was anyway.

LexDiamonds: So then she could be the lady from my building after all. Although she don’t really look like this chick either come to think of it.

TheIronShiek: Hey does anybody know if those XXX pills really work? I think I might try them.

BigChief: Let me settle this once and for all. This is a girl I work with at Sunglass Hut. Her name is Susannah Frankel. You can look her up on Facebook if you want. I don’t know when this clip is from, but she has a kid now who must be in kindergarten. She talks about him all the time, because he’s basically like her little life raft right now, if you know what I mean. She dropped out of college, but she says she wants to go back to school herself next year since her son’s probably old enough to deal with it now. Sometimes she sounds real excited about it, but other days you can tell when she’s just way too tired. One time we were smoking cigarettes out back by the loading dock, and she told me she has this recurring dream where it’s her first day in school again, but she can’t find her classroom, and then she wanders outside through this big emergency exit, only it locks behind her, and she can’t get back inside, and nobody ever comes to let her in, no matter how loud she bangs on the door.

JoeDirt: No way BigChief. You must be confused. 100% certain her name is Amanda Calhoun. Because you can hear a bird chirping somewhere in the background starting right around 3:55, and Amanda is totally obsessed with birds. When she was five she had this parrot named Petey, bright blue and green with a few red feathers on his head, and she truly believed he would die while she slept if she didn’t say a special prayer for him before she went to bed every night. “Dear God,” she’d say as she knelt down by the edge of her bed, “please don’t let little Petey die before I’m even six years old. And not my mom or dad, or brother either.”

RayTango: She’s got okay tits.

 
 
 


Benjamin Brandenburg earned a graduate degree from Columbia University before he gave up studying and moved to Charleston, South Carolina, where he currently works at an independent bookstore. He writes short fiction more than anything else.