Category: Columns

Can I get an amen?!

As luck would have it, Jesus is at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset, across the street from the DGA in West Hollywood. Fortunately, he isn’t incognito—we are so blessed!

Sarah was a real go-getter, vibrant and sexy, even more so at 98. She was the envy of her community because she never got “old.” While her friends played Bridge, she went cock hunting at the proctologist’s office,

Name: Mary Beth Wilkinson
o Age: 78
o DOD: 6/1/14
o Obituary: Mary Beth loved shopping at J.C. Penney. With unbridled enthusiasm, she used to say, “I can get a matching set of washer/dryers and stretchy pants with a print boatneck tee, and gifts for everyone in my family!”

o Name: Earl Stanrankowski
o Age: 23
o DOD: 5/4/14
o Obituary: Earl wrote his own obituary in the frozen section between Hungry Mans and Lean Cuisines at Walmurt. He was conflicted about his weight.

Obituary: After an acutely depressing and unfulfilling life, Clementine Baxter overdosed on diet pills before slitting her wrists and leaping off the Golden Gate Bridge to her demise. Clementine was a receptionist for 20 years at Butters, Bean & Tapioca law firm in West Covina, California.

Last week I texted my colleague, “Stan,” to follow up on our projects. Instead of texting me back, he called, and the first words he uttered were, “Be Zen.” I thought, sure thing.

I am still sad about the fatal crash last week in California, where a blazing FedEx truck hit a school bus carrying precious cargo toward a promising future. Earlier this week I read something very