How Other Countries Celebrate American Thanksgiving

Melissa Bell, Aaron Burch, Christopher Monks, Steven Seighman, Matthew Simmons

Melissa Bell, Aaron Burch, Pasha Malla, Christopher Monks, Steven Seighman, Matthew Simmons

In Canada they spend the day mocking Americans for celebrating Thanksgiving in November and for playing football on such tiny, lame fields.

In Kazakhstan they dress up their pet otters and write limericks about the experience.

In Turkey, they eat turkey, with all the fixin’s: Dolma Ici Zeytinyagli, Hunkar Begendi, Kuzu Tas Kebabi, Sebze Bastisi, Kaymakli Kayisi, Guvec, Turlu, Bureck, Imam Bayildi, Lavash, Arnavut Cigeri, Bulgur Pilaf (Kavurma-style), and cranberry sauce.

In Sweden they sit in the dark smoking cigarettes, contemplating suicide.

In North Korea they dress in their traditional drab attire and make statues of Kim Jong-il out of food scraps and fingernail clippings.

In Dubai they listen to the music of Anita Baker and yell at the help.

In Lichtenstein they solemnly prepare for invasion.

In Nigeria they send emails telling you that if you help them move millions of dollars to the US you can keep a hefty percentage of that and they would be extremely thankful.

In China they string Tibetan monks from the ceiling and poke them with sticks. Other American holidays when they do this include: Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Presidents’ Day, Secretary’s Day, Grandparents’ Day and your birthday.

In Iraq they do not.

In France, they hold large parties for all of their American friends, and if they meet an American in a bar or on the street, they will do their best to speak English and will be most generous with their money, their alcohol, and their sincere appreciation for all that the Americans did for them during the horrors of WWII. This is what my French coworker told me happens. But he’s a dirty, lying French bastard.

In Great Britain, they thank their lucky stars they had the good sense to persecute a bunch of hectoring, buckle-bedecked, holier-than-thou religious types until they left their country to find another place to ruin with self-righteous zealotry and narrow-minded bigotry.


These people are fine, fine folks who, in the near future, hope to bring you a fantastic new humor compendium on the internets. You will know more when they do.


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