Welcome to another installment of If My Book, the Monkeybicycle feature in which authors shed light on their recently released books by comparing them to weird things. This week Elizabeth Alexander writes about her latest short story collection, On Anzio Beach, just published by Ravenna Press.

If On Anzio Beach were a red Mustang convertible, it would color its hair.

If On Anzio Beach were a computer, it would stream the first and third Harry Potter movies on alternate nights.
More likely, On Anzio Beach would be a 16mm projector.

If On Anzio Beach were a condiment, it would be plum sauce.

If On Anzio Beach were dropped off at dancing school, it would hide in the bathroom.

If On Anzio Beach were breakfast, it would be carrot cake pancakes with maple syrup and toasted pecans.

If On Anzio Beach were a tennis player, it would have a cute little dress and a mean two–handed backhand.

If On Anzio Beach were a small wire whisk, it would gorge itself on zabaglione.

If On Anzio Beach were a board game, it would be Candyland or Hi Ho! Cherry–O, but in fact my book would never be a board, card, video, or any other game. It wouldn’t dare to.

If On Anzio Beach were a hotel, it would be the Shangri-La in Kathmandu.

If On Anzio Beach were a hairdo, it would be a man bun.

If On Anzio Beach were a movie food, it would be Mason Dots.

If On Anzio Beach were a band, it would be Sam the Sham and The Pharaohs.

If On Anzio Beach were a pediatric dentist, it would send each patient home with a value pack of sour apple bubblegum and the promise of a gold crown next time.

If On Anzio Beach were a rock, it would be pink granite like on Mount Katahdin.
     If it wanted to scare itself silly, On Anzio Beach would traverse Katahdin’s Knife Edge.

If On Anzio Beach were a root beer, it would be spiked.
     More likely, On Anzio Beach would be a Diet Dr. Pepper.

If On Anzio Beach were to visit London, it would eat tarte au chocolat in St. Johns Wood and take a day trip (outside the city) on a Vespa.

If On Anzio Beach were an entrée, it would be guacamole enchiladas.

If On Anzio Beach were a shopper, it would never ever EVER buy from Amazon.

 
 
 


Elizabeth Alexander’s short stories, poems, and essays have appeared in Monkeybicycle, Gargoyle, The Journal of Feminist Studies in Religion, thewilddetectives.com, Archives of Neurology, Defenestration, and a number of literary magazines named after animals. Elizabeth grew up in Dallas, spent the 1980s and 1990s on the East Coast, and lives happily ever after in Seattle.