Welcome to another installment of If My Book, the Monkeybicycle feature in which authors compare their recently released books to weird things. This week K.B. Jensen writes about Love and Other Monsters in the Dark, her new story collection out from Crimson Cloud Media.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were an avocado, she’d be perfectly ripened, pitted and gutted for your enjoyment. Kissed with the taste of lime.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a toaster, she’d be on the dark setting most of the time. But not always. You might also smell something burning in a story or two. But oddly enough, not toast. She’d have a lot of crumbs at the bottom.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a lotion, she’d smell like oats and honey, but leave you feeling deeply unsettled while moisturized. Your skin would tingle.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a hot dog, she would be Chicago-style, with the relish, chopped onion, spicy peppers, yellow mustard, pickle spear, poppy-seed bun and no ketchup, because ketchup is wrong. Oh yeah? Love and Other Monsters in the Dark would say, “fight me.”
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a set of bones, she would be all teeth, all uneven sizes, jagged and connected to a jaw, ready to take a bite, after assembly and careful excavation.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a grandmother, she’d say “live in the now” at very strange times, like when you are thirsty and can’t get a waiter’s attention at a restaurant. She’d also have an unconventional background, and tell you, “life is too short to drink cheap wine.” Love and Other Monsters in the Dark would not bake you cookies.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a house pet, she’d be a rescue mutt mixed up with a million things. She’d have a habit of growling at strangers and stealing hearts, as well as an unpredictable disposition.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a sea creature, she would have long tentacles that hold you and rock you from side to side, sometimes gently in a caress, and other times, tossing you from side to side in a way that makes you wonder. Her vivid colors would change to match her mood and surroundings, like a moving camouflage kaleidoscope.
If Love and Other Monsters in the Dark were a plant, she’d be growing slightly twisted from the ashes of a murder victim and blossoming white flowers beautifully. Her scent would remind you of first loves and funerals.
K.B. Jensen is an award-winning author with two novels, Painting With Fire, an artistic murder mystery, and A Storm of Stories, which veers literary and handles love, craziness and impossibility. K.B. lives in Littleton with her family and rescue mutt. She enjoys skiing and writing poetry. A former crime reporter and journalist, K.B. shifted to the publishing world in 2014, and is a senior publishing consultant and youth writing camp director for My Word Publishing. Her new collection of short stories, Love and Other Monsters in the Dark, is out now. For more, visit kbjensenauthor.com and follow her on Twitter at @kb_jensen.