Susan Rukeyser
PETITION—PLEASE SIGN:
DEMAND THE UPCOMING EXHIBIT OF FREAK YOMYND’S DISGUSTING “ART” BE CANCELED!!
BY: Mrs. Davis Dellacourt—none of your beeswax, GA.
TO: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery—Marietta, GA.
We, the undersigned, object to the “ART” made by Mr. Yomynd (if that’s even his real name). It is perverse and unsanitary. Dead chickens?!? Think of the children who walk by this gallery!!! Aren’t children exposed to enough depravity, what with MTV, etc, etc!?!
We demand this exhibit be canceled.
Signatures on this petition: 1 of Goal: 10,000
Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
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REPLY:
TO: Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
FROM: Ben Thurgood, Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
You are upset. I gather this by your simultaneous use of exclamation and question marks. I hope typing them brought some relief. You should know that mood swings are a common side effect of the antibiotics and hormones found in our factory-farmed meat. Freak’s work is a protest of that practice and a confrontation of our own inescapable mortality. Sorry, I meant, “MORTALITY!!”
Does your reference to MTV suggest you object to music as well as art?
You should get yourself checked out. I’m sure you’re usually quite reasonable. It must be the meat you’re putting in your mouth.
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REPLY:
TO: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
FROM: Davis Dellacourt, Jr.
Heh heh good 1 dude. My mom=IDIOT.
But isn’t Freak’s work a little derivative? I mean, I get the stuff about factory farming, but as far as the inevitability of our mortality, didn’t Damien Hirst do this to death already? (pun intended)
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REPLY:
TO: Davis Dellacourt, Jr
FROM: Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
These Replies post to my Petition page, you know! You can forget about using the car this weekend!!!
Signatures on this petition: 1 of NEW Goal: 100
Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
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REPLY:
TO: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
FROM: Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
I buy my meat at Whole Foods, not that it’s any of your business. And no, I don’t have a problem with music. Don’t think I didn’t catch your tone. I was referring to MTV shows like ‘Teen Mom.’ I was not aware that MTV still played music. Please respond to my concerns about the lack of sanitation and the children.
Signatures on this petition: 3 of NEW goal: 10
Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
Mr. Davis Dellacourt
Mr. Davis Dellacourt, Jr.
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REPLY:
TO: Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
FROM: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
Well now I am distressed—these children put their hands all over my gallery windows and you’re telling me they’re unsanitary? I had my suspicions. Usually I ignore children, but from now on I will actively run them off. I will brandish a weapon for added efficiency (a Katana, not very sharp). Thank you for alerting me.
At first I thought your concern was for Freak’s exhibits. They are of course absolutely sanitary, preserved specimens under glass. Look forward to seeing you at the opening!
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PETITION—PLEASE SIGN:
BOYCOTT UNSANITARY CHILDREN!
BY: Ben Thurgood, Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery—Marietta, GA.
TO: Unsanitary Children—Everywhere, but especially in Marietta, GA.
It was recently brought to my attention by an “ART” fan with a particular interest in Atlanta artist Freak Yomynd’s provocative work (‘Dead Chickens’ opens next month!) that some area children are unsanitary. I am asking for a boycott of children, especially the unsanitary ones, especially those near my gallery. To further this end, I will discourage their proximity by filling my windows with the most offensive and disturbing art I can legally display. I will also frequently brandish a Katana, not very sharp. Please join me in boycotting unsanitary children. Aren’t we exposed to enough of them, what with MTV, etc, etc?
Signatures on this petition: 1 of Goal: 1
CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR PETITION HAS MET ITS GOAL!
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TO: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
FROM: Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
I have reported you via the Customer Service Contact Form on the I-Object.org website.
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REPLY:
TO: Mrs. Davis Dellacourt
FROM: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
NONONO please NO! My livelihood, my reputation—all of it at risk now that you’ve reported me via the Customer Service Contact Form on a free petition website.
I beg you, let me try and make this right. How about 3% off anything from Freak Yomynd’s ‘Dead Chickens’ show? You are so passionate about his work.
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REPLY:
TO: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
FROM: Davis Dellacourt, Jr.
My mom made me sign her stupid petition. Can I have her 3% coupon?
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REPLY:
TO: Davis Dellacourt, Jr.
FROM: Thurr is Some Good Art Gallery
I figured. And you have a point about Freak/Hirst. Let’s discuss. For you, it’s 30% off.
P.S. Want a job?
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Susan Rukeyser writes stories because she can’t stop. Believe it, she’s tried. Most of them are fiction. Her work appears in SmokeLong Quartertly, PANK, Necessary Fiction, Atticus Review, The View from Here, and Metazen, among others. She explains herself here: www.susanrukeyser.com.
